Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.
- Amy Chua
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is a biographical book which will surely raise a lot of debates on child-rearing. Chua labels her parenting style as Chinese which means that: (1) schoolwork always comes first; (2) an A-minus is a bad grade; (3) your children must be 2 years ahead of their classmates in math; (4) you must never compliment your children in public; (5) if your child ever disagrees with a teacher or coach you must always take the side of the teacher or coach; (6) the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and (7) that medal must be gold.
The book proposes a simple (but extremely difficult to implement) formula for raising successful children: Kids CAN NOT:
1. Attend a sleepover
2. Have a playdate
3. Be in a school play
4. Complain about not being in a school play
5. Watch TV or play computer games
6. Choose their own extracurricular activities
7. Get any grade less than A
8. Not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama
9. Play any instrument other than the piano or the violin
10. Not play the piano or the violin
Amy and Jed, her husband, are Yale law professors. Their daughters Sophia and Louisa are straight A students who were hailed as piano and violin prodigies (at least until Louisa changed courses, but that’s getting ahead of the story.). Amy is the daughter of Chinese migrants and Jed is Jewish.
The Rubenfeld family is run with the precision of a military camp. The home is devoted to principles of tough love, high discipline, concerted effort (even if Jed disagrees with Amy, they present a united front before the children), and an attitude of failure not being an option. This is a home where a spade is called a spade, where Amy has no qualms resorting to hysterics, verbal abuse, or even bribery to get the children to practice 5 hours a day, if need be. Weekends are not for lolling but for more studying and practice.
Amy’s child-rearing principles can be implemented by only one as highly disciplined and as self-motivated as Amy herself. It is no small feat to shuttle children form one class to another, be present in their lessons so she can later on supervise the extra work at home, and cajoling and yelling at them so they do what they must do. It will also take a strong heart not to give in when the kids crumble and the fat tears start to roll. If there’s one thing Amy does not believe in, it is that she is inflicting psychological damage on her children by driving them too hard. She thinks it is 10 hours facebook and junk food which cause psychological damage.
It is hard to argue with Amy’s formula when you see her bright-eyed children who love her despite what she makes them undergo. In this day and age when children can easily dial 911 for either real or perceived parental brutalities, we ask if these children are much better off now and more psychologically prepared as adults compared to their counterparts a generation ago.
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is a book which dishes its philosophy straight out without making apologies. It manages to combine irony and humor in one blow. The book feels to end with the taunt: “This is how I brought up my succesful kids, so sue me.”
No comments:
Post a Comment