The business of a law school is not sufficiently described when you merely say that it is to teach law or to make lawyers. It is to teach law in the grand manner and to make great lawyers.
- Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Anonymous Lawyer” is not about great about lawyers or lawyers who have learned law in the grand manner.
The book, based on a popular blog (anonymouslawyer.blogspot.com), shows all the vileness and despicableness of the workings of the mind of a hiring partner of a half a billion dollar law firm who aspires to be the firm’s Chairman in due time.
In the interim, he complains about Anonymous Wife who forever sits in the house watching reruns of game shows, goes out with her friends for US$200 lunches, and strolls around department stores buying dozens of things which end up in the garage never touched.
He raves about Anonymous Niece who’s going to Yale Law School. He vows to inflict a brutal, painful, and ugly death, not covered by insurance, on The Jerk who is also aiming to be Chairman of the law firm.
He nitpicks on the Old Guy who has been forced into retirement; the Guy With the Giant Mole who quit the law firm to become a high school teacher; the Bombshell who not only wears tight suits but why whose memos are solid and work airtight; and a parade of other characters he calls The Short One, The Dumb One, The One With The Limp, The One Who’s Never Getting Married, The One Who Missed Her Kid’s Funeral, The One Who Loves His Kids, The Suck-Up, The Musician, The Foreign Dude, ad infinitum.
The book is written in a funny-painful way and shows what happens when someone is razor-focused on a goal oblivious to all the things around him and only notices certain people along the way because they either (1) pose obstructions to his dream, or (2) could help him achieve his target.
The Anonymous Lawyer is determined to propagate his world view with his recruitment principle: “The reality is that anyone who’s got something else pulling at him is not going to be a good fit here. You can’t spend a hundred and ten hours a week in the office if your heart is somewhere else. This is too all-consuming to leave room for passions. We know most of our associates don’t truly love law. We accept that. They’re here because there’s no job they can get this easily that’ll pay this much money, and there’s nothing else pulling at them to pursue something different. That’s fine. But when we’re the backup plan for someone with a creative dream, it’s trouble. They wimp out on us. They start to imagine they deserve better. There is no better. This is a good as it gets."
If you’ve wondered why lawyers spend a lot of time in the office, this book offers a possible explanation – they are blogging out there, anonymously.
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